5G Tower Expansion Disrupts Spectral Communications Nationwide

PHANTASMA, D.C. — The FCC's Ethereal Spectrum Division announced Friday that it has opened a formal investigation into the impact of 5G cellular tower expansion on spectral communications infrastructure, following a 40% decline in ghost-to-ghost call quality across 23 metropolitan haunting districts.

The disruption, which has been building since carriers began deploying millimeter-wave 5G equipment in densely haunted urban corridors, has left millions of registered spirits unable to maintain stable ethereal connections. Complaints to the Spectral Communications Commission have surged 312% since January, with reports ranging from garbled transmissions and phantom echoes to complete signal dissolution during peak haunting hours.

"The 28-gigahertz band that 5G operates on sits directly adjacent to the primary ectoplasmic resonance frequency," explained Dr. Ephemera Voss, chair of spectral engineering at Wraith University. "The interference pattern is predictable and, frankly, was predicted. We published a warning paper in 2022 that was roundly ignored by both the FCC and the telecom lobby."

The National Association of Registered Haunters has called for an immediate moratorium on new tower installations within 500 meters of any certified haunting site, historic cemetery, or spectral transit corridor. "Our members have occupied these frequencies for centuries," said NARH president Cornelius Fogsworth III. "The living cannot simply appropriate our bandwidth because they want faster video streaming."

The FCC Ethereal Spectrum Division has pledged to issue preliminary findings within 90 days. In the interim, the agency has recommended that affected spirits switch to legacy analog channels where available, though officials acknowledge that analog spectral infrastructure has been in decline since the Great Digitization of 2011.